The Other WHAT?

To: Sony Pictures
From: Thisbe
Re: "The Other Boleyn Girl"
cc: Philippa Gregory

Dear Sirs and/or Madam(s)

I write with regard to the 2 hours of my life that you WASTED turning one of my favorite books into one of the VERY WORST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN*. Not one single iota of that movie (with the exception of the fact that there were actual people with those names) was accurate, and I can only be grateful that I paid a mere $.25 to see it, as my friend had a coupon. I think it was still overpriced, but am willing to be somewhat flexible as the Tudor period costumes were lovely. Somewhere, I imagine the author is quietly sobbing for her unbelievably poor decision to sell you the rights to her novel, and vowing to sue you for defamation of character on behalf of the historical individuals.
I can only hope that the depravity that led you to destroy a great book and subject the public to a truly terrible film will condemn you to the lowest level of hell (where, presumably, you will be forced to watch this movie repeatedly).

Angrily yours,
Thisbe

*The very worst movie being Waterworld. Don't even get Thisbe started.

Too much of a good thing...

So. As anyone reading this blog has noticed, the last several posts have been dedicated to Thisbe's show, which is a Gilbert & Sullivan show (The Yeoman of the Guard). Gilbert & Sullivan is sort of a specialized genre, with a limited fan base. Thisbe got into it because her Dad & Uncle are both big fans, and Thisbe was indoctrinated from a very young age. Indeed, Thisbe could sing all of "I am the very Model of a Modern Major General" before she was eight.

At rehearsal on Wednesday, the President of Thisbe's group made "an important announcement". The announcement was that Friday (today) is February 29th, a day that only happens once every four years, and also the birthday of Frederic, the protagonist of The Pirates of Penzance. As such, the President required everyone to sing "Hail Poetry" and had a birthday cake for Frederic.

Now. Thisbe is all for singing Hail Poetry (it was the anthem for Thisbe's college group and carries a great deal of nostalgia), and of course, Thisbe is all for cake.

However. Thisbe is a *little* concerned about all the fuss being made over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S BIRTHDAY.

It seems, shall we say, excessive? (We're going with "excessive" rather than "bat-sh*t crazy")

Today's Project: Black gossamer shawl

Today's Life Observation: Naptime. It's the *best* time

Monday morning Quarterbacking.

OK. One other thing. The Oscars were kind of disappointing.

Thisbe is pleased they happened at all, but there was not much of a surprise about any winners, and they were kind of blah. Jon Stewart and Steve Carrell were pretty funny though.

Also, many of the actresses and actors broke Thisbe's cardinal rule: if you are that gorgeous, then please dress to look good. Do not dress as though you were attacked by wolverines (or chickens), do not highlight unflattering areas of your body because you are so fit. Do not not show up looking as though you have been living in the mountains for the last 18 months.

Major offenders included: Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, and Cameron Diaz (what was UP with that dress? It does not take a genius to know that draping hanging around your hips? NOT FLATTERING. And the hair? You're at the Oscars. You are not going to the gym. Make more of an effort than a ponytail. ARGH. HATE.) Viggo Mortenson (Viggo, you made me sad. I love beards, and you almost made me hate them).

People whose work I will continue to see include: Katherine Heigl, Anne Hathaway, and (surprisingly) Calista Flockhart.

Nicole Kidman: You are pregnant, so Thisbe will give you a bit of a pass, but the dress/necklace combination? DID NOT WORK.

Today's Project: See other post

Today's Life Observation: See other post

All frenzied with despair..

...soooooooo the freaking out? Has not gotten any better.

Indeed, we are now at the level of full fledged panic attack. Not because Thisbe thinks the show will be bad, but because Thisbe is just freaking out. Thisbe's tiny, skittery, brain cannot stop obsessing over all of the things that could go wrong, or that she could do to cause lifelong shame to herself.

The result? Thisbe could barely breathe at her vocal lesson.

ARGH.

Today's Project: Breathing. Knitting of any kind is in the backseat

Today's Life Observation: None. Breathing.

Snow Day!

In classic weather-person fashion, the snow expected for today was minimal (2-4 inches), and yet, we appear to have 6-8 inches on the ground. Weather people: Your degrees are bogus. You would have just as much luck if you consulted with a Ouija Board.

Anyhow. The unexpected upshot - frolicking in the snow with the Wee Kraken

I don't normally post pictures, but...




Hee! Cute! Love!

Updates:

1. Show getting terrifyingly close. Pretty much everyone Thisbe knows will be attending. Thisbe is FREAKING OUT. As a lead, Thisbe gets lots of attention (wonderful for the needy, 16 year old girl that is Thisbe). But, Thisbe's character is very flirty/sexy and as Thisbe also has the self-esteem of a needy (totally insecure) 16 year old girl (which Thisbe was), it is very challenging.

Thisbe feels like Hyacinth Hippo from Fantasia (the hippo in the tutu who dances around). Hyacinth thinks she's gorgeous, but really, she is a mack truck in pointe shoes.

Thisbe is very worried that she will look like a mack truck, although in boots. A mack truck that cannot sing and forgets her lines. ARGH.


2. Thisbe attended the Westminster Dog Show with the WK, PBB, Mrs. Weef and Miss Sophie. An excellent time was had by all, although next year - we go on Tuesday. The friendlier dogs (read: dog owners) seem to be there on Tuesday.

Today's Project: Gossamer Shawl (gray shawl is finished (and sold!), starting a black shawl)

Today's Life Observation: If you can't find rocks to make a snowman's face under 6 inches of snow, nuts and bolts will do the trick nicely.

Happy Valentine's Day, INDEED!

Today is a momentous occasion. The scene: our study.

WK: Mommy, I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: What? [flabbergasted]
WK: [More insistent, smiling] MOMMY. I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: Um. Ok. [Goes and gets tiny potty].

[Interlude of approximately 40 minutes during which diaper is removed and WK sits on her potty. WK is very excited to sit on her potty, and keeps insisting that she "wants make poopy". She *refuses* to put her diaper back on.]

Thisbe: [Noting that it is lunchtime, and WK is still refusing to put diaper on]. WK, if you make poopy, we can watch Boowa and Kwala.
WK: YEAH!
Thisbe: [Leaving bathroom to get phone. Returns 30 seconds later.]
WK: I want poopy [starts to get up]
Thisbe: OMG!!!! YOU PEED! YOU PEED IN THE POTTY!
WK: I all done. Boowa and Kwala.

[Diaper goes on with no fuss at all. WK is clearly proud of herself. Repeating "I made poopy in potty". We watch Boowa and Kwala, lunch is eaten]

Sooooooooo......I think the WK just potty-trained herself. Obviously this will be a process, but still.

Thisbe is absolutely stunned. Also unprepared. There is no big-girl underwear, or even pull-ups in the house. Emergency shopping will ensue.

Today's Project: Sparkly silver shawl

Today's Life Observation: Still. Just. Shocked.

A day of weirdness....

Long story, but Thisbe was stuck in the house for awhile today, waiting for a serviceperson.

To stave off the endless boredom (and inability to shower, lest the serviceperson was missed), Thisbe compiled a bunch of random thoughts/things that happened in the last couple of days.

1) Around 11am, the phone rang and it was the U.S. Marines. As Thisbe looked at the phone, all she could think was "Well. This *will* be interesting. What could they possibly want?"

[Fantasy Conversation]

US Marines: Ms. Thisbe?
Thisbe: yes....
US Marines: Thank Goodness! We have a national security emergency, and need your knitting skills.
Thisbe: Do I have to go to Iraq?
US Marines: No. Just knit a lot and get paid excessively.
Thisbe: I'm in.

What did they really want? A person named Matthew, who does not live here.

2) While retrieving another email lost to the overzealous spam filter on Thisbe's email, Thisbe noted a spam email with the subject "never sleep for it causes early death". Boy. If that is true, Thisbe is in real trouble.

3) As you may recall, dear readers, the WK's musical tastes were giving Thisbe concerns re: homicide. So, Thisbe downloaded a ton of 80s pop, and voila! Now when we get in the car, the WK says "Mommy, I want Erasure song!" followed by "Mommy, TURN UP ERASURE SONG!!!!" (Note: I always make her say please before I do it). And then she sings along "I soooooo loooooove yooooooou"

Heh.

4) For Thisbe's upcoming show (email Thisbe for info!), it has been determined that she gets to wear a corset. Having tried on the corset, the question to pose is: WHY did these things go out of fashion? That corset may be the most flattering thing Thisbe has ever put on (other than her wedding dress).

OK. Enough of the mishmash of thoughts.

Today's Project: Socks for PBB

Today's Life Observation: You never really know what someone is thinking.

These are the people in my neighborhood...

So. Those of you who went to college with Thisbe will get this. The rest of you may or may not find it funny.

Currently, the WK is watching Sesame Street. On today's episode, Ben Stiller and Telly the monster are singing the classic Sesame Street song "Who are the people in your neighborhood". [Unrelated: at the end of the song Ben Stiller dressed up like a giant cheese and then the puppets got hungry and started chasing him to eat him, which was independently humorous].

At Thisbe's college, there was a comedy group that performed this song, but did not have the same people in the neighborhood. Indeed, the people in that version were not G-rated, to say the least. So of course, all Thisbe can think as she hums along is "The pornographer is a person is your neighborhood"....

Today's Project: A black and silver scarf

Today's Life Observation: Pilates is hard. A lot harder than I thought.

Best! Day! EVER!!!!!!!

OK. Some of you may have noticed a definite exasperation in Thisbe's recent posts. A certain amount of malaise, as it was (were?).

Well, all that has changed (at least for today). And why?

1) Today Thisbe & the WK joined some Kindermusik friends at a local playspace, and discovered the "gym room" - a room filled with many brightly colored mats, tubes to crawl through, things to climb over and into, and balls to throw. The WK had a *blast* and Thisbe is considering either building her own such room or alternately, living in that one.

2) Thisbe found out last night that we will be having company this weekend, somewhat unexpectedly. While this is nice, the Thisbe house was, to put it delicately, a bit of a sty, due to the exhaustion of the adults in the house. Panicked, Thisbe tried to call Cleaning Lady (who comes occasionally) and although there was initially a problem, she worked it out! So the Thisbe house is all shiny and clean and lovely!

3) For months now, Thisbe has been lamenting the unbelievably lame state of her computer. Specifically, Thisbe sent PBB out to buy a computer shortly before the WK was born, and was not very careful about identifying the particular things he should look for in a computer. Thus, he returned with a computer that appears to have been manufactured somewhere in Eastern Europe. While it performs basic computer functions (e.g. connecting to the internet, displaying a photo) it does so grudgingly, and often will refuse to do any more than that (e.g. refuses to connect to eBay, refuses to edit certain photos). It also refuses to turn off, which is just creepy.

So Thisbe has been coveting a MacBook. And during conversations with our friends at the playspace today, this topic came up. And they pointed out that the CompUSA down the road is going out of business. AND HAD AN APPLE STORE IN IT! All the MacBooks were 15% off, the AppleCare package was 40% off, and the other accoutrements were also on sale!

So Thisbe is writing this from her BRAND NEW MACBOOK!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

So. Happy. Might. Cry.

Today's Project: Gazing lovingly at new MacBook while watching TV.

Today's Life Observation: Karma, she can be a b*tch, but sometimes, she hooks you UP.

RIP Heath

So, everyone knows, Heath Ledger, very talented actor, tragic death.

And especially sad because of his little girl, Matilda, who will not get to grow up with her daddy.

The Thisbe household is sends our condolences to Heath's family and loved ones. It is always hard to lose someone, but to have it happen so suddenly and so publicly must be truly devastating.

To lighten the mood (thanks Mamarazzi) here is a link to something that will hopefully make you laugh. (It is actually right on the Mamarazzi page, but just in case...)

Jerry O'Connell - I loved you on Crossing Jordan, I love you even more now.

Today's Project: Not sure yet. We'll see what we feel like knitting.

Today's Life Observation: Shout out to the gay guy at pilates! He totally made fun of the mean lady from last week on my behalf! Woooooooo!

Forget Waterboarding

[The Scene: In the car, with Thisbe, PBB, & the WK, listening to a Kindermusik CD for approximately the 597th time. The song playing is about a donkey. According to the lyrics "My donkey talk, my donkey walk, my donkey eats with a knife and fork"]

Thisbe: You know. When I listen to this song, I really understand why people go crazy and shoot other people.

PBB: Come on now. The song is just a contributing factor.

Today's Project: All paid wristies complete. Working on wristies for friends.

Today's Life Observation: Take some time to be grateful for what you have.

Updates

A few updates for Thisbe's dear readers:

1) Thisbe and the Wk returned to the scene of the crime, aka, the playground yesterday to take advantage of the last nice day before the MAJOR STORM*. Upon arriving, Thisbe discovered to her dismay that indeed, the chain of the offending swing was covered in rust. And Thisbe could not remember the last time she got a tetanus shot. So, after the playground (thankfully, without incident - although weirdly the WK seemed to like the swings *more* and not less) it was off to the walk-in clinic for a tetanus shot! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!! Not. Thisbe's arm hurts.

2) The lead who showed up to rehearsal unprepared? Is no longer a lead. She hath been axed. While Thisbe feels bad,** she is also gleeful, as the replacement is her good buddy, Ululate! YAY!!!!!!

*AKA "The storm that never actually happened". And riddle me this: how is it that we got less than 2 inches of snow, but our neighbor children were able to build a full snowman? Three big balls of body and everything??? Are they hoarding snow? Did we really get more like 4 inches but the neighbor children came and stole it to make the snowman while we were sleeping????

**Particularly as the other lead was the part Thisbe originally wanted, and Thisbe has basically been told that if Unprepared Lead hadn't shown up, then Thisbe would have gotten it. Thisbe was also told that the directors would have given Thisbe the other part upon firing Unprepared Lead, but at this point, it would make no sense as Thisbe would have to learn a whole new part and so would Thisbe's replacement. Thisbe is not terribly upset though. Thisbe loves her part. More on that in upcoming posts.

Today's Project: Completion of last pair of wristies for hire.

Today's Life Observation: Yoga is a lot harder than it looks. But still awesome.

Mommy Scars: Or, why WK can no longer go to the playground

Today, Thisbe and the WK had a playdate with Thisbe's friend Sandra and her adorable son Nate.

As it is a lovely day here, we all decided to go for a walk to the playground near Sandra's house.

We headed over to the playground chatting merrily, with WK & Nate yelling forcefully at passing squirrels, and then everyone got out of their strollers to go play.

Innocent? Right?

WRONG.

By this time, Thisbe had already made several critical rookie mistakes:

1) Thisbe was not wearing practical shoes, but rather, pointy (CUTE!) boots.

2) Thisbe did not bring the diaper bag.

3) Thisbe did not have a change of clothes for herself.

None of this seemed to be much of a problem until Thisbe decided to take the WK on the swings. The swings have been a sore point for the WK, as her mommy loves them, and the WK does not like them, really at all.

In an effort to endear the WK to the swings, Thisbe thought we could go on the swing together.

AND FELL OFF THE SWING.

WITH THE WK IN HER ARMS.

INTO THE MUD.

The WK is physically fine (pupils dilating, cheerful, eating, etc.), as she fell entirely on Thisbe (evidenced by the fact that her outfit has not one iota of mud on it). And really, was just upset to be taken off the slide.

Thisbe? Covered in mud. Lacerated finger. Right arm bruised from inside of elbow to wrist. Also, blisters from walking in stupid cute boots.* Had to return to Sandra's house immediately to administer first aid to finger and borrow sweatpants and sweatshirt from Sandra.

Also, Thisbe is convinced that the WK will be scarred for life, and refuse to ever go on a swing again. Indeed, at some point in kindergarten she'll probably have some kind of PTSD flashback at recess and Thisbe will be called into the principal's office to explain why her daughter was found curled in the fetal position under the swings, sobbing. Fantastic.

*In Thisbe's defense, the playdate was not scheduled for any walking, but rather sitting at Sandra's house and watching the little ones play.

Today's Project: No knitting. Sitting quietly on the couch while the WK naps.

Today's Life Observation: Should have stuck to the slide.

I know you're never supposed to talk about it....

...but. Politics.

Look. Thisbe is trying to be as calm and openminded as the next person, but she has to ask: SERIOUSLY REPUBLICANS*???? SERIOUSLY????? Your choice appears to be Huckabee?

Can anyone clarify this for Thisbe? Is Thisbe somehow mistaken that he appears to be insane? Did anyone else see his patent LIE regarding Pakistani immigrants when Bhutto was assassinated?

Ok. Sorry. Sorry. Thisbe understands that politics are quite a hot-button issue, and that somewhere out there there are people who (for reasons that completely escape Thisbe) love themselves some Huckabee, but COME. ON.

How about Romney, Republicans? He seems to be pretty rational. Admittedly a little mean, but at least he does not appear to just intentionally *lying*.

Sorry. Ok. I'll stop now.

*Note to Republicans who do not like Huckabee, sorry to lump you into one group there, but if it makes you feel any better, Thisbe wants John Edwards, and it doesn't seem like the rest of the Democrats are listening. DEMOCRATS! ARE YOU ALL IDIOTS? NOMINATE EDWARDS!!!!!

Today's Project: Finished Spiderweb Scarf. Two sets of wristies to go.

Today's Life Observation: One can never be too young for Madonna.

Love!

Tonight was my first rehearsal for our spring G & S show, in which (the universe willing) I will be playing a lead.

I was quite concerned about the rehearsal, as I have the MOTHER of all colds, and was not terribly pleased about having to sing in front of the whole group hacking and wheezing and generally not at 100%.

However, my issues *paled* in comparison to that of one of the other leads, who, despite being cast in October, apparently chose not to look at her music until tonight.

Music director? Not amused.

Conversely, the pinnacle of the night was meeting our new stage director.

:LOVE:

Is it wrong that Thisbe wants to just put him in her pocket and bring him home? He started a company that focuses on educational youth theater!!!! LOVE!!!! LOVE I SAY!!!!!

[Sigh] He's dreamy. He instructed Thisbe to wear funky boots to rehearsal on Monday to get into character. How we love him so.

Today's Project: Olive Green Spiderweb Scarf

Today's Life Observation: Drunken guys in bars? Should not start conversations about shoes. Anyone's shoes.

Just don't make my daemon a spider

You'll see what I mean...



Today's Project: Finishing, what else, wristies!

Today's Life Observation: Wine? Good! 3 glasses of wine? 3 times as good!

The bloodiest sport...

Thisbe has found a new sport*: Competitive Knitting.

Oh. Yeah.

It is ON. ON I SAY!

There is a competitive knitting event coming up in March, and I assure you. Thisbe is IN.

[Sharpening of knitting needles, flexing of fingers, playing of "Rocky" theme]

*Shout out to The Little Blond for alerting Thisbe to this.

Today's Project: Big shock. More da*n wristies.

Today's Life Observation: Nobody's on nobody's side.

I'm UP!

Earlier this evening, Thisbe drank a Diet Coke.

It is now 2:15 am. Thisbe is WIDE AWAKE. Because Thisbe forgot the cardinal rule of drinks: no caffeine.

In a desperate attempt to get tired, Thisbe went to the alumni site for her high school.

Several interesting things to note:

1) Exactly ONE of Thisbe's high school friends is registered on the alumni site. Someone Thisbe no longer talks to. All remaining friends (like Thisbe) appear to totally disdain the site.

2) Many of the people in Thisbe's graduating class have children now (not surprising).

3) Many of the people in Thisbe's graduating class who have children felt the need to post pictures of those children on their profiles. Let's just say, it was a better choice for some people than for others.

4) At least one person who Thisbe went to high school with posed for Playboy, but may well have changed her mind about whether that was a good idea as she now has an uber-Christian blog.

5) Quite a few of the registered alumni are unmarried.

6) The unmarried alumni do not appear to be part of the unbelievably geeky crowd (aka Thisbe & her friends), rather, many of them were part of the "popular" crowd. Could they have [gasp] peaked in high school? Heh.

7) Sadly, (really) at least three classmates (of the 48 registered) have gotten divorced. [Thisbe knows this because of the way their profiles have changed over the last several years].

8) Thisbe has spoken to exactly ONE person on the list of 48 people from her graduating class in the last 7 years. And only because she ran into this person during a visit to the Ancestral Home.

Thisbe is not sure what any of this means, but is sure of one thing: No more diet coke.

Today's Project: Wristies, wristies, wristies

Today's Life Observation: Writer's strike? Bad for Thisbe's TV. WRITERS! PLEASE FIX!

Fitness Death Star

Recently, Thisbe's gym has been the subject of a great deal of rumor and innuendo.

According to the Senior Citizen Posse (SCP) that hangs out at the gym when Thisbe works out, the gym is about to be taken over by Planet Fitness.

This is a situation of grave concern at the gym.

The SCP is upset because Planet Fitness is known for having only machines and no classes.

Without classes the SCP has no reason to come to the gym, hang out for 3 hours drinking coffee, smoking (really) and gossiping, and claiming that it was "exercise".

Thisbe is upset for an entirely different reason, as part of Planet Fitness's streamlined, evil-empire regime is that: there is no babysitting.

Without babysitting, Thisbe essentially cannot go to the gym during the day, thus eliminating all hope of Thisbe going to the gym.* This also eliminates any hope of Thisbe actually getting healthy or losing weight.

Thisbe is pondering whether to enlist the SCP in a rebellion to defend the gym and destroy the neighboring Planet Fitness (down the street), thus protecting our way of life and Pilates on Thursdays. I envision a scene where the current gym owners are boxed in with walkers and the Planet Fitness people run screaming from their machines at the sight of the many elderly people brandishing their yoga mats and spouting nonsensical stories about lines at the DMV.

*Not to mention creating some serious unhappiness for the WK, who has come to adore the gym babysitter and the many exciting gym toys.

Today's Project: Completion of many sets of wristies. Full explanation forthcoming.

Today's Life Observation: Politicians? Really NOT smarter than the rest of us.

Candy Corn!

They were out of candy corn at our grocery store.

So I made some myself.

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!