I am not a guy.

Note to all of my guy friends:

I am not a guy. Really. Not a guy.

I do not want to hear about you checking out some other chick, or how some girl you work with/met at a bar/saw on the street is really hot, or the time you went to a strip club.

It might seem like that, because for some reason, you think I am a guy. And I agree, I like sports, I can play poker, and I have been known to drink beer, but I am not, actually a guy. And I know you think that it is all cool, because hey, you can talk to me just like I was a guy!

But not. To reiterate: NOT A GUY.

I have to say, there is nothing that makes a woman feel less attractive than a man telling her how hot other women are. It makes me want to go sign myself into a Swiss plastic surgery clinic for the next six months.

Today's project: MBP #1. We're about 2/3 done.

Today's life observation: Being thin and beautiful does not equal fashion sense. I'm talking to YOU Cameron Diaz.


The adventures of Mr. Bee

The Thisbe house was full this weekend tonight. We had some friends and family visiting.

So, in an effort to make our house a bit more presentable, Thisbe broke out the vacuum cleaner the afternoon before our guests arrived.

Thisbe loves the vacuum cleaner (as much as one can reasonably love a vacuum cleaner), because it is a central vacuum system, and is relatively lightweight and easy to maneuver, and makes vacuuming about as painless as it can be (noting that Thisbe hates housework). So Thisbe is vacuuming along merrily, and notices that the wee kraken's Exersaucer, is as usual, festooned with the remnants of approximately 1,000 cheerios. So, Thisbe detaches the tube from the vacuum to suck up the cheerios.

In doing so, however, Thisbe inadvertently sucked up one of the wee kraken's toys (Mr. Bee, the wrist rattle). This turned out to be both unfortunate and hilarious.

The immediate effect of Mr. Bee's abduction was that there was a serious loss of suction to the vacuum tube. Initially, we hoped that Mr. Bee had traveled, Willy-Wonka like, down to the filter in the basement, but PBB checked, and there was no Mr. Bee.

PBB next attempted to rescue Mr. Bee with a wire coat hanger, but again, without success. It was at this point that we started laughing, and continued laughing for the next 1/2 hour while the process continued.

Needless to say, no vacuuming could be completed during this mission, and it was a significant concern that Thisbe had ruined the central vacuum system entirely.

We subsequently determined that Mr. Bee had become lodged somewhere in the tube, but could not quite figure out where, until (crack detectives that we are) we realized that we could pinpoint his location by shaking the tube to find the rattling noise. Once we found him, we also realized that if we twisted the tube a bit, and turned the vacuum on and off (carefully) Mr. Bee would get sucked farther and farther down. So we were eventually able to get him to the other end of the tube, before he entered the tubing in the wall, and extricate him from his dusty vacuum prison with the wire hanger.

We have washed him, and are happy to report that he (and the vacuum) are none the worse for the incident, and the antics that we engaged in to get him out caused so much laughter, that Thisbe thinks she will remember this for the next time we all need a good chuckle.


Best in Show

So, on Tuesday, Thisbe accomplished a dream of several years: to go to the Westminster Dog Show.

Thisbe was accompanied on this exciting outing by (as usual) the wee kraken, and also Mrs. Weef, who took a day off of work (wooooooooo!) to enjoy the festivities.

Thisbe and Mrs. Weef enjoyed the show tremendously, particularly all of the dogs that we got to see and pet in the "benching area" (backstage), and getting to walk on the big green astroturf-y ring area. Thisbe and Mrs. Weef are notorious impulse buyers so, it was good that they do not actually have dogs for purchase at the show, as we were having such a wonderful time with all the dogs that we would both have purchased dogs of our very own. But then Thisbe and Mrs. Weef would be divorced from our respective husbands, who made it *very* clear that they were not interested in being dog owners at the present time.

But our enjoyment PALED in comparison to that of the wee kraken.

She screamed with excitement and pointed (a new trick) every time she saw a dog, for a total of approximately 1,000 times, and her mouth was open pretty much the entire time we were there. It was clearly one of the most exciting days EVER. She slept quite soundly on the way home, and that night as well.

I imagine that when we attend Kindermusik on Friday she will still be talking about it with the other babies.

It was a wonderful day, and we look forward to making it an annual event (although next year we are going to try and go on Monday to see all of the Toy Dogs), and next year we can bring Baby Weef too!

Today's Project: MBP #1. Like you didn't know.

Today's Life Observation: I have a song to sing-o!


An Inconvenient Truth about Snow Days

So. Today is an Official Snow Day. All of the schools in the area are closed. There are teeny ice pellets attacking my windows. It is officially unpleasant.

Normally, I very much enjoy snow days. I tried to get the wee kraken into the spirit of the day this morning by encouraging her to snuggle with me in bed and watch the school closings scroll by* after her morning feed, but she was uninterested, as, currently, every day is a snow day for her, so she did not understand what the fuss was about.

Today, however, the Official Snow Day is causing all sorts of problems.

First and foremost it is Valentine's Day (Happy Valentine's Day to you all! May you have a year full of chocolate and love, as indicated by the hallmarks of this day). PBB & I had plans to ditch the wee kraken with her grandparents for a couple of hours and have a Real Romantic Date at one of my favorite restaurants. Unfortunately, the restaurant is about 40 minutes away, and, to get there we must drive on the ice slicks that the stupid Official Snow Day was called for, so I am not terribly interested in going and risking life and limb for macaroni & cheese with truffles.

Second, the reason we chose this particular restaurant is because it is located within 10 minutes of the grandparents and the rehearsal for Thisbe's show (which is currently scheduled for 7:30 pm). The idea was to have dinner, then PBB would pick up the kraken and head home, and Thisbe would head to rehearsal. Current weather predictions indicate that the weather will be equally hideous tonight, so there is a chance that there will be no rehearsal, and then it would be completely pointless to drive all the way over there to have dinner in an ice storm.

The result of these complications is that Thisbe is not motivated to do anything today, because it is completely unclear what the day will actually bring, and it is impossible to make any sort of decision about it (e.g. even if there is rehearsal, should Thisbe go? If there is no rehearsal, should Thisbe still go to dinner?). Also, it is too disgusting to take the wee kraken anywhere. Thisbe is hoping for some direction on all of these fronts in the near future.

Today's Project: MBP #1. As usual.

Today's Life Observation: Black truffle popcorn? A GOOD idea.

*I LOVE watching school closings on snow days. Love it. I think it is just a little hangover from childhood, but I get a warm fuzzy feeling from seeing that schools are closed. I find myself rooting for my local school district to be closed, and for the schools of any friends' areas to be closed.


When H*ll freezes over...

....I will not be all that surprised, because it is FREEZING. And I feel bad for whining about it, since it is not all that cold compared to previous winters, but MAN ALIVE, I am getting desperate for some spring (and all nostalgic of the heat wave from this past summer).

The cold is making me quite jealous of my wee kraken's wardrobe, which consists largely of fuzzy footed items, that seem quite cozy and comfortable. Indeed, I am starting to consider purchasing a few footed sleepers for myself.

The cold also makes going out anywhere a mad dash from car to destination, since I do not want the wee kraken to be chilled. However, she does not seem to be the least bit cold, and rather, relishes the extremely short trips from car to store, and laughs every time. Maybe she thinks it is funny to make me run? Maybe she is laughing in the face of the weather? Maybe she has superhuman warmth and just doesn't give a da*n?

Whatever the case may be, it makes me laugh, so the cold is not so bad.

Today's Project: MBP#1.

Today's Life Observation: Just going to the gym will not actually get you in shape. You need to work out there. I'm talking to you, people who sit at the little tables near the front desk and drink coffee.