To: Sony Pictures
From: Thisbe
Re: "The Other Boleyn Girl"
cc: Philippa Gregory
Dear Sirs and/or Madam(s)
I write with regard to the 2 hours of my life that you WASTED turning one of my favorite books into one of the VERY WORST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN*. Not one single iota of that movie (with the exception of the fact that there were actual people with those names) was accurate, and I can only be grateful that I paid a mere $.25 to see it, as my friend had a coupon. I think it was still overpriced, but am willing to be somewhat flexible as the Tudor period costumes were lovely. Somewhere, I imagine the author is quietly sobbing for her unbelievably poor decision to sell you the rights to her novel, and vowing to sue you for defamation of character on behalf of the historical individuals.
I can only hope that the depravity that led you to destroy a great book and subject the public to a truly terrible film will condemn you to the lowest level of hell (where, presumably, you will be forced to watch this movie repeatedly).
Angrily yours,
Thisbe
*The very worst movie being Waterworld. Don't even get Thisbe started.
2.29.2008
Too much of a good thing...
So. As anyone reading this blog has noticed, the last several posts have been dedicated to Thisbe's show, which is a Gilbert & Sullivan show (The Yeoman of the Guard). Gilbert & Sullivan is sort of a specialized genre, with a limited fan base. Thisbe got into it because her Dad & Uncle are both big fans, and Thisbe was indoctrinated from a very young age. Indeed, Thisbe could sing all of "I am the very Model of a Modern Major General" before she was eight.
At rehearsal on Wednesday, the President of Thisbe's group made "an important announcement". The announcement was that Friday (today) is February 29th, a day that only happens once every four years, and also the birthday of Frederic, the protagonist of The Pirates of Penzance. As such, the President required everyone to sing "Hail Poetry" and had a birthday cake for Frederic.
Now. Thisbe is all for singing Hail Poetry (it was the anthem for Thisbe's college group and carries a great deal of nostalgia), and of course, Thisbe is all for cake.
However. Thisbe is a *little* concerned about all the fuss being made over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S BIRTHDAY.
It seems, shall we say, excessive? (We're going with "excessive" rather than "bat-sh*t crazy")
Today's Project: Black gossamer shawl
Today's Life Observation: Naptime. It's the *best* time
At rehearsal on Wednesday, the President of Thisbe's group made "an important announcement". The announcement was that Friday (today) is February 29th, a day that only happens once every four years, and also the birthday of Frederic, the protagonist of The Pirates of Penzance. As such, the President required everyone to sing "Hail Poetry" and had a birthday cake for Frederic.
Now. Thisbe is all for singing Hail Poetry (it was the anthem for Thisbe's college group and carries a great deal of nostalgia), and of course, Thisbe is all for cake.
However. Thisbe is a *little* concerned about all the fuss being made over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S BIRTHDAY.
It seems, shall we say, excessive? (We're going with "excessive" rather than "bat-sh*t crazy")
Today's Project: Black gossamer shawl
Today's Life Observation: Naptime. It's the *best* time
2.25.2008
Monday morning Quarterbacking.
OK. One other thing. The Oscars were kind of disappointing.
Thisbe is pleased they happened at all, but there was not much of a surprise about any winners, and they were kind of blah. Jon Stewart and Steve Carrell were pretty funny though.
Also, many of the actresses and actors broke Thisbe's cardinal rule: if you are that gorgeous, then please dress to look good. Do not dress as though you were attacked by wolverines (or chickens), do not highlight unflattering areas of your body because you are so fit. Do not not show up looking as though you have been living in the mountains for the last 18 months.
Major offenders included: Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, and Cameron Diaz (what was UP with that dress? It does not take a genius to know that draping hanging around your hips? NOT FLATTERING. And the hair? You're at the Oscars. You are not going to the gym. Make more of an effort than a ponytail. ARGH. HATE.) Viggo Mortenson (Viggo, you made me sad. I love beards, and you almost made me hate them).
People whose work I will continue to see include: Katherine Heigl, Anne Hathaway, and (surprisingly) Calista Flockhart.
Nicole Kidman: You are pregnant, so Thisbe will give you a bit of a pass, but the dress/necklace combination? DID NOT WORK.
Today's Project: See other post
Today's Life Observation: See other post
Thisbe is pleased they happened at all, but there was not much of a surprise about any winners, and they were kind of blah. Jon Stewart and Steve Carrell were pretty funny though.
Also, many of the actresses and actors broke Thisbe's cardinal rule: if you are that gorgeous, then please dress to look good. Do not dress as though you were attacked by wolverines (or chickens), do not highlight unflattering areas of your body because you are so fit. Do not not show up looking as though you have been living in the mountains for the last 18 months.
Major offenders included: Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, and Cameron Diaz (what was UP with that dress? It does not take a genius to know that draping hanging around your hips? NOT FLATTERING. And the hair? You're at the Oscars. You are not going to the gym. Make more of an effort than a ponytail. ARGH. HATE.) Viggo Mortenson (Viggo, you made me sad. I love beards, and you almost made me hate them).
People whose work I will continue to see include: Katherine Heigl, Anne Hathaway, and (surprisingly) Calista Flockhart.
Nicole Kidman: You are pregnant, so Thisbe will give you a bit of a pass, but the dress/necklace combination? DID NOT WORK.
Today's Project: See other post
Today's Life Observation: See other post
All frenzied with despair..
...soooooooo the freaking out? Has not gotten any better.
Indeed, we are now at the level of full fledged panic attack. Not because Thisbe thinks the show will be bad, but because Thisbe is just freaking out. Thisbe's tiny, skittery, brain cannot stop obsessing over all of the things that could go wrong, or that she could do to cause lifelong shame to herself.
The result? Thisbe could barely breathe at her vocal lesson.
ARGH.
Today's Project: Breathing. Knitting of any kind is in the backseat
Today's Life Observation: None. Breathing.
Indeed, we are now at the level of full fledged panic attack. Not because Thisbe thinks the show will be bad, but because Thisbe is just freaking out. Thisbe's tiny, skittery, brain cannot stop obsessing over all of the things that could go wrong, or that she could do to cause lifelong shame to herself.
The result? Thisbe could barely breathe at her vocal lesson.
ARGH.
Today's Project: Breathing. Knitting of any kind is in the backseat
Today's Life Observation: None. Breathing.
2.22.2008
Snow Day!
In classic weather-person fashion, the snow expected for today was minimal (2-4 inches), and yet, we appear to have 6-8 inches on the ground. Weather people: Your degrees are bogus. You would have just as much luck if you consulted with a Ouija Board.
Anyhow. The unexpected upshot - frolicking in the snow with the Wee Kraken
I don't normally post pictures, but...
Hee! Cute! Love!
Updates:
1. Show getting terrifyingly close. Pretty much everyone Thisbe knows will be attending. Thisbe is FREAKING OUT. As a lead, Thisbe gets lots of attention (wonderful for the needy, 16 year old girl that is Thisbe). But, Thisbe's character is very flirty/sexy and as Thisbe also has the self-esteem of a needy (totally insecure) 16 year old girl (which Thisbe was), it is very challenging.
Thisbe feels like Hyacinth Hippo from Fantasia (the hippo in the tutu who dances around). Hyacinth thinks she's gorgeous, but really, she is a mack truck in pointe shoes.
Thisbe is very worried that she will look like a mack truck, although in boots. A mack truck that cannot sing and forgets her lines. ARGH.
2. Thisbe attended the Westminster Dog Show with the WK, PBB, Mrs. Weef and Miss Sophie. An excellent time was had by all, although next year - we go on Tuesday. The friendlier dogs (read: dog owners) seem to be there on Tuesday.
Today's Project: Gossamer Shawl (gray shawl is finished (and sold!), starting a black shawl)
Today's Life Observation: If you can't find rocks to make a snowman's face under 6 inches of snow, nuts and bolts will do the trick nicely.
Anyhow. The unexpected upshot - frolicking in the snow with the Wee Kraken
I don't normally post pictures, but...
Hee! Cute! Love!
Updates:
1. Show getting terrifyingly close. Pretty much everyone Thisbe knows will be attending. Thisbe is FREAKING OUT. As a lead, Thisbe gets lots of attention (wonderful for the needy, 16 year old girl that is Thisbe). But, Thisbe's character is very flirty/sexy and as Thisbe also has the self-esteem of a needy (totally insecure) 16 year old girl (which Thisbe was), it is very challenging.
Thisbe feels like Hyacinth Hippo from Fantasia (the hippo in the tutu who dances around). Hyacinth thinks she's gorgeous, but really, she is a mack truck in pointe shoes.
Thisbe is very worried that she will look like a mack truck, although in boots. A mack truck that cannot sing and forgets her lines. ARGH.
2. Thisbe attended the Westminster Dog Show with the WK, PBB, Mrs. Weef and Miss Sophie. An excellent time was had by all, although next year - we go on Tuesday. The friendlier dogs (read: dog owners) seem to be there on Tuesday.
Today's Project: Gossamer Shawl (gray shawl is finished (and sold!), starting a black shawl)
Today's Life Observation: If you can't find rocks to make a snowman's face under 6 inches of snow, nuts and bolts will do the trick nicely.
2.14.2008
Happy Valentine's Day, INDEED!
Today is a momentous occasion. The scene: our study.
WK: Mommy, I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: What? [flabbergasted]
WK: [More insistent, smiling] MOMMY. I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: Um. Ok. [Goes and gets tiny potty].
[Interlude of approximately 40 minutes during which diaper is removed and WK sits on her potty. WK is very excited to sit on her potty, and keeps insisting that she "wants make poopy". She *refuses* to put her diaper back on.]
Thisbe: [Noting that it is lunchtime, and WK is still refusing to put diaper on]. WK, if you make poopy, we can watch Boowa and Kwala.
WK: YEAH!
Thisbe: [Leaving bathroom to get phone. Returns 30 seconds later.]
WK: I want poopy [starts to get up]
Thisbe: OMG!!!! YOU PEED! YOU PEED IN THE POTTY!
WK: I all done. Boowa and Kwala.
[Diaper goes on with no fuss at all. WK is clearly proud of herself. Repeating "I made poopy in potty". We watch Boowa and Kwala, lunch is eaten]
Sooooooooo......I think the WK just potty-trained herself. Obviously this will be a process, but still.
Thisbe is absolutely stunned. Also unprepared. There is no big-girl underwear, or even pull-ups in the house. Emergency shopping will ensue.
Today's Project: Sparkly silver shawl
Today's Life Observation: Still. Just. Shocked.
WK: Mommy, I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: What? [flabbergasted]
WK: [More insistent, smiling] MOMMY. I want to make poopy on the potty.
Thisbe: Um. Ok. [Goes and gets tiny potty].
[Interlude of approximately 40 minutes during which diaper is removed and WK sits on her potty. WK is very excited to sit on her potty, and keeps insisting that she "wants make poopy". She *refuses* to put her diaper back on.]
Thisbe: [Noting that it is lunchtime, and WK is still refusing to put diaper on]. WK, if you make poopy, we can watch Boowa and Kwala.
WK: YEAH!
Thisbe: [Leaving bathroom to get phone. Returns 30 seconds later.]
WK: I want poopy [starts to get up]
Thisbe: OMG!!!! YOU PEED! YOU PEED IN THE POTTY!
WK: I all done. Boowa and Kwala.
[Diaper goes on with no fuss at all. WK is clearly proud of herself. Repeating "I made poopy in potty". We watch Boowa and Kwala, lunch is eaten]
Sooooooooo......I think the WK just potty-trained herself. Obviously this will be a process, but still.
Thisbe is absolutely stunned. Also unprepared. There is no big-girl underwear, or even pull-ups in the house. Emergency shopping will ensue.
Today's Project: Sparkly silver shawl
Today's Life Observation: Still. Just. Shocked.
2.07.2008
A day of weirdness....
Long story, but Thisbe was stuck in the house for awhile today, waiting for a serviceperson.
To stave off the endless boredom (and inability to shower, lest the serviceperson was missed), Thisbe compiled a bunch of random thoughts/things that happened in the last couple of days.
1) Around 11am, the phone rang and it was the U.S. Marines. As Thisbe looked at the phone, all she could think was "Well. This *will* be interesting. What could they possibly want?"
[Fantasy Conversation]
US Marines: Ms. Thisbe?
Thisbe: yes....
US Marines: Thank Goodness! We have a national security emergency, and need your knitting skills.
Thisbe: Do I have to go to Iraq?
US Marines: No. Just knit a lot and get paid excessively.
Thisbe: I'm in.
What did they really want? A person named Matthew, who does not live here.
2) While retrieving another email lost to the overzealous spam filter on Thisbe's email, Thisbe noted a spam email with the subject "never sleep for it causes early death". Boy. If that is true, Thisbe is in real trouble.
3) As you may recall, dear readers, the WK's musical tastes were giving Thisbe concerns re: homicide. So, Thisbe downloaded a ton of 80s pop, and voila! Now when we get in the car, the WK says "Mommy, I want Erasure song!" followed by "Mommy, TURN UP ERASURE SONG!!!!" (Note: I always make her say please before I do it). And then she sings along "I soooooo loooooove yooooooou"
Heh.
4) For Thisbe's upcoming show (email Thisbe for info!), it has been determined that she gets to wear a corset. Having tried on the corset, the question to pose is: WHY did these things go out of fashion? That corset may be the most flattering thing Thisbe has ever put on (other than her wedding dress).
OK. Enough of the mishmash of thoughts.
Today's Project: Socks for PBB
Today's Life Observation: You never really know what someone is thinking.
To stave off the endless boredom (and inability to shower, lest the serviceperson was missed), Thisbe compiled a bunch of random thoughts/things that happened in the last couple of days.
1) Around 11am, the phone rang and it was the U.S. Marines. As Thisbe looked at the phone, all she could think was "Well. This *will* be interesting. What could they possibly want?"
[Fantasy Conversation]
US Marines: Ms. Thisbe?
Thisbe: yes....
US Marines: Thank Goodness! We have a national security emergency, and need your knitting skills.
Thisbe: Do I have to go to Iraq?
US Marines: No. Just knit a lot and get paid excessively.
Thisbe: I'm in.
What did they really want? A person named Matthew, who does not live here.
2) While retrieving another email lost to the overzealous spam filter on Thisbe's email, Thisbe noted a spam email with the subject "never sleep for it causes early death". Boy. If that is true, Thisbe is in real trouble.
3) As you may recall, dear readers, the WK's musical tastes were giving Thisbe concerns re: homicide. So, Thisbe downloaded a ton of 80s pop, and voila! Now when we get in the car, the WK says "Mommy, I want Erasure song!" followed by "Mommy, TURN UP ERASURE SONG!!!!" (Note: I always make her say please before I do it). And then she sings along "I soooooo loooooove yooooooou"
Heh.
4) For Thisbe's upcoming show (email Thisbe for info!), it has been determined that she gets to wear a corset. Having tried on the corset, the question to pose is: WHY did these things go out of fashion? That corset may be the most flattering thing Thisbe has ever put on (other than her wedding dress).
OK. Enough of the mishmash of thoughts.
Today's Project: Socks for PBB
Today's Life Observation: You never really know what someone is thinking.
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