Pirates!

OOOOOOOOOH!

Thisbe just loves some pirates.** And Thisbe saw the 8pm showing of Pirates of The Caribbean 3 last night. For those of you who are planning on seeing it this weekend, Thisbe will not give away any of the movie info except to say: Orlando Bloom? WAY hotter than he was in previous movies. Much more dark and brooding. Yum.

Also, someone gets to be a Pirate King. Thisbe is extremely jealous. Thisbe has *always* wanted to be the Pirate King. This Pirate King did not sing the great G & S song though, so, Thisbe is slightly less jealous. Just slightly.

**But not enough to watch the UNBELIEVABLY STUPID reality show where people pretend to be pirates to win money.

Today's Project: Vest to hopefully wear to a wedding this weekend

Today's Life Observation: Arrrrrrrrr!

Happy Birthday Wee Kraken!!!!

One year ago today, was the best day of my life.*

And here she is.

*Tied, of course, with my wedding day


Today's Project: Completion of party favors for a very special first birthday party

Today's Life Observation: The Thisbe family is so lucky to have such a wonderful girl.

Not that I'm an expert

But a note to the parents across the street:

Thisbe has some concern regarding your offspring. We will call him Young Sk8er Boi. We will call him this because for the last week*, for approximately 23 hours a day, Young Sk8er Boi (who we think is about 10 years old) has been outside in your driveway, apparently fused to his skateboard, and alternately skating over his skateboard ramp**, and dragging it all over the driveway.

This raises concerns for 3 reasons.

First, Thisbe has noted that Young Sk8er Boi has absolutely no protective gear: no helmet, no knee or elbow pads, nada. So if he were to take a tumble, we imagine that his injuries would be unpleasant.

Then again, bringing us to concern #2: we have *never* seen you outside watching Young Sk8er Boi, so we imagine you would not notice.

Finally, the incessant noise of both the skating and the dragging of the skateboard ramp is driving the Thisbe family CRAZY, particularly since it starts (true story) at 7:30 am. Every day. Including weekends. We here at the Thisbe family like to sleep in on the weekends. We are training the wee kraken to do so, and the pre-dawn skateboard warm-up is not helping matters. We are concerned we may have to disable the ramp while Young Sk8er Boi is sleeping (we think he sleeps, we can't be sure).

Soooooooo......how about you lighten up with the skateboarding? No. Seriously. Because otherwise Thisbe will be forced to serenade you with The Mikado at 2am, and we don't think you will like that.

*It was spring break, so he did not have school. But he is out there every waking minute when he is not at school as well.

**We think the ramp may have been a Christmas or birthday present, as it was not around in the last few years we have lived here.

Today's Project: A mishmash.

Today's Life Observation: Lovely weather? Lovely mood.

Thisbe is moving to Canada

See this?

This is the unfortunate turn of events Thisbe predicted upon the election of our "fearless" leader.

And I am extraordinarily sorry to say that it is happening.

Today's Project: Whatever

Today's Life Observation: O Canada! Our home and native land!

And the hits just keep on coming...

So. Yesterday Thisbe notices that the house is a little cold. Indeed, the poor wee kraken had tiny cold hands, so Thisbe immediately goes over to the thermostat to turn up the heat and....wait a minute. The heat is up to 72, but the temperature reads 65, and there is no heat coming out of the vents. Not good. No heat. Fortunately Thisbe's house has 2 gas fireplaces which kept the Thisbe family warm last night, since the service man couldn't come until today.

In other news, Thisbe *finally* gets to sleep after checking the wee kraken to make sure she was not frozen, and is suddenly awoken by a high pitched whining noise (not made by the wee kraken).

PBB, half-asleep, also notes the irritating noise. Thisbe walks all over the house to locate the source of the noise and ultimately determines that the noise is coming from a large green fluffy frog puppet owned by the wee kraken. Normally the puppet croaks as you open and close its mouth to the tunes of "London Bridge", "Old MacDonald" and "Frere Jacques". However, at 1:30 am, it decided to die, and make the horrible noise to herald its ascent to the choir invisible.

To stop the frog, Thisbe had to locate a screwdriver, unscrew the back of the battery pack and take out a battery. At 1:30 am. This toy is lucky to not be in many pieces, as it would have been a lot easier to whack it with a hammer at that point.

Argh.

Today's Project: You know. You know what I'm working on.

Today's Life Observation: Fireplace. Good.

Loop? What Loop?

I tell you. Thisbe is so out of the loop, she cannot even see the loop.

Thisbe is not even sure there is a loop. Stupid loop.

Reese Witherspoon is dating Jake Gyllenhaal? WHAT? How did I miss this? Seriously. Pre-kraken, I would have not only known about this at least a week ago, I would have known when they started dating, when/if they have been spotted together, and which magazine will be first to have pics.**

Oh, indeed I am lame, my friends. Shame on Thisbe. Letting her popular culture intel go so far astray.

Pathetic.

**Don't judge me for being all "superficial" you supposedly pretentious academic types. Thisbe knows that you are secretly reading US Weekly and watching The Soup. THAT'S RIGHT! I SEE YOU OVER THERE!

Today's Project: The end is in sight for MBP #1. Thank GOODNESS.

Today's Life Observation: Rain sucks. Also, isn't it supposed to be spring? Am I out of the loop on that one too????

Recharging.

Thisbe has spent a great deal of time with the Thisbe family in the last two weeks. Thisbe LOVES her family, but they are WAY high energy, and frankly? Thisbe is exhausted.**

Amid a whirlwind of shopping and driving and traveling (oh my!), Thisbe is hoping for a slightly quieter next couple of weeks, hopefully with less drama (see previous post re: various illnesses).

Also, more frequent posts (and phone calls, to those of you Thisbe knows IRL).

**Notably, the wee kraken is also exhausted, so it is not just Thisbe. The wee kraken slept for 2 hours this afternoon!

Today's Project: A final push on the MBP #1. That kid will be in college if I don't get cracking.

Today's Life Observation: The couch is LOVE.

Where to begin?

So.

On the good news front, the Passport Authority (aka the Wizard of Oz), deigned to allow the Thisbe family to take the Wee Kraken to Canada for her very first Passover. As it turns out, the Wee Kraken is quite a lovely traveler, and also, really enjoyed the Passover festivities. She was quite enthusiastic about the hordes of adoring relatives, particularly her boy cousins, who thought she was extremely cool. She looooooooved them. She was also very fond of her plush Passover Seder plate (a gift from Thisbe's aunt and uncle), complete with plush Seder objects (look wee kraken! Plush lettuce! To symbolize herbs! Or, a stylish tiny hat!); and, her Four Questions Finger puppets (A gift from Thisbe's other aunt and uncle. Thisbe's favorite is the reclining chair. Hilarious, I tell you).

On the not-so-good news front, as most of you readers know Thisbe IRL, you know that the last 6 weeks have unfortunately, been unpleasant, which is why there have been so few posts (Thisbe feels quite guilty about being a Debbie Downer to all her loved ones).

To sum up: in the last 6 weeks, three separate family members of Thisbe & PBB's families have been diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses. This is causing major havoc in the Thisbe household, and if you have any spare happy thoughts, we could use them. We here at the Thisbe household also apologize for being generally flaky and not getting back to our loved ones as promptly as we would normally like. We are working on it. Also, Thisbe will try to keep the depressing posts to a minimum.

Today's Project: Finishing up MBP #1 and working on a special birthday gift for the Wee Kraken.

Today's Life Observation: You never know how much you will miss bread until it is Passover....again. (Or, I suppose, if you go on the low-carb diet).

Karma. She is a B*TCH

So, the ticket line continues to frustrate me practically to the point of homicidal rage.

Indeed, I received EIGHT separate email and phone messages regarding one ticket order, and it was a miracle that this ticket holder did not receive tickets for the February 29th performance, located in our Baghdad theater, if you get my drift.

However, all of my negative ticket karma has come back to bite me, as I am now on hold with [scary music] the U.S. Passport office. PBB & I are taking the wee kraken to Canada for her first Passover, and we checked all of the online regulations, and applied well in advance of our trip, but our trip is fast approaching, and (surprise, surprise, surprise).....no wee kraken passport.**

So I am frantically attempting to figure out how the heck we are going to get to Canada, and/or get her a passport, and cursing the stupid government for messing with us about this, since it is a new regulation that went into effect a mere 6 weeks ago, after we applied for her passport. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

**Applying for a passport for an infant is kind of hilarious. You have to fill out the form as if she is a quasi-adult being, and fill out boxes that say things like "Occupation". What do you put for that? Drooling? Playing with a blue plastic ring? Peek-a-boo? Also, when they took the picture, it was hysterical. Her tiny little head and complete confusion. If we ever actually get the passport, it will be pretty funny.

Today's Project: All knitting has been abandoned in favor of the stupid tickets and passport issues.

Today's Life Observation: Just hug the people you love and tell them that you love them.

Welcome to December

Nooooooo....wait a sec.....that's *right*! It is actually March 16!

Apparently, Mother Nature came out of her drug-induced haze or drinking binge, or whatever it was that made it so that we had NO snow in December, and 70 degree weather in January, and realized that she better get cracking if we were going to have a good old fashioned storm before spring is officially here.

So now, we are getting 6 ish inches of snow and ice. Lucky, lucky, us.

And also, lucky, lucky Thisbe, who has been at rehearsal every freaking night until 11 this week, and then had to drive home for 40 minutes, only to have the opening night of our show cancelled.*

Charming.

On the plus side? In the words of the well-known children's author Barbara Boynton "It's PAJAMA time".

*As you can imagine, in addition to the general bummer that is the cancellation of opening night, being the ticket person when a full audience is calling to ask about their tickets for tonight? FUN.

Today's Project: MBP #1 needs to be finished, but Thisbe just does not have the energy.

Today's Life Observation: Snow is a lot less fun in March.

The hours creep on apace....

There will probably be several late night Thisbe posts this week.

I keep coming back from rehearsal ALL WOUND UP and I can't sleep.

It does not help that recently I am actually having nightmares about the tickets. Last night I dreamt that one of the little ladies followed me to a resort on vacation and accosted me while I was swimming to ask where her tickets were. Thisbe's subconscious? Not terribly subtle.

As I was standing onstage tonight, watching the action from a parapet, I was thinking that I would really like a part where I get a solo. This is probably too enterprising, but still. It might be nice. I get kind of fidgety in the chorus and tend to cause trouble with the other chorus women. Lead roles keep me from distracting other people with my antics.

On a completely unrelated note, PBB confirmed today that all four of our koi perished in a tragic pond motor incident (i.e. the pond motor ceased to function). We are terribly sad, as we had them for almost 3 years, and we were particularly fond of the large bluish silver koi who had a very neat flowy tail. R.I.P. Koi. Your lives were not lost in vain, as we have replaced the motor.

Today's Project: Still finishing MBP #1 -- it will be a couple of weeks, but I am getting there.

Today's Life Observation: I am staying up WAY too late.

So. FREAKING. Tired.

Ah tech week. How I did not miss you.

So, it is tech week for my show. Tonight's rehearsal included a lot of standing around, and then a lot of running across varied level platforms waving around a banner and then an axe.

I *know* I am going to trip and fall, and hurt myself, and there will be Thisbe blood gushing everywhere, and it will be most unfortunate. Tell the wee kraken that I love her!

Notable also with this show are the clutch of little ladies, who, while they are senior citizens, still love to perform. And in that sense, they are inspirational. I hope I am still spry enough in my late 70s to be wearing armor and wielding a battle axe (true story).

On the other hand, the little ladies find the choreography extremely challenging, and, to use a phrase from the Little Blond, getting them to do stuff is like herding ducks. Ducks who think that younger people are not polite enough these days, and don't respect their elders.

Also, the majority of people attending the show are the friends of the little ladies, and they are a handful too. Thisbe is in charge of tickets, and if one more little lady calls the ticket line while Thisbe is at rehearsal, and then calls back 47 more times (getting increasingly indignant each time because her call has not been answered), and leaving crochety messages, Thisbe will be forced to have a nervous breakdown and scatter the tickets all over the parking lot while singing and dancing.

Also? Thisbe does NOT hand deliver tickets, little ladies. NOT. Thisbe is NOT a delivery service of any kind. Geez.

Sigh. Tomorrow we are supposed to wear our costumes. Thisbe can only imagine the sort of chaos this will entail. On the plus side, AXES people! Thisbe gets to wave around an axe! And look menacing! (Well, as menacing as is possible for the relatively small person that is Thisbe).

Today's Project: Finishing up the MBP! The baby has arrived! Congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Little Blond & Baby Blond!

Today's Life Observation: People individually can be smart. People as a group? Generally stupid.

To market, to market...

...if ONLY to buy a fat pig.

I wish.

No. I go to market, to apparently be accosted by crazy people.

I admit. When I first realized that I would be at home a lot more (what with the kraken) and would be primarily responsible for grocery shopping duties, I was highly concerned. I am perfectly capable of navigating the grocery store, however, I was not interested in finding out the answer to the question I had posed so many times:

Q: Seriously. Who is shopping in the grocery store at 1:30 on a weekday?

A: Other stay-at-home moms, elderly men and women, and weird looking guys who appear to work the third shift and have the perpetually glazed look of zombies.

Into these larger categories there are subcategories, all having to do with particular mental tics, (e.g. the woman who inspects her car (really) if you just walk past it with a cart; the woman who doesn't check to see if anyone is pulling into the parking space next to her before flinging her door open as widely as she can, the myriad of people who drive aimlessly through the parking lot, as though they were the only car there.)

No matter how careful, or non-threatening I am, these people find me and I end up afraid and disgruntled every freaking time.

It is now clear to me why online grocery shopping is just so darn popular. It is clearly much safer.

[On the plus side, the wee kraken LOVES the grocery store. It is Disneyland to her. Today she was yelling so loudly with glee that I actually had to stop and explain to her that grocery stores are not for yelling. She looked at me as though I was insane. Which, based on the other patrons, was a fair assessment.]

Today's Knitting Project: MBP #1. I will finish it. Oh YES I will.

Today's Life Observation: The older and crappier the car, the more reckless the driver.

I am not a guy.

Note to all of my guy friends:

I am not a guy. Really. Not a guy.

I do not want to hear about you checking out some other chick, or how some girl you work with/met at a bar/saw on the street is really hot, or the time you went to a strip club.

It might seem like that, because for some reason, you think I am a guy. And I agree, I like sports, I can play poker, and I have been known to drink beer, but I am not, actually a guy. And I know you think that it is all cool, because hey, you can talk to me just like I was a guy!

But not. To reiterate: NOT A GUY.

I have to say, there is nothing that makes a woman feel less attractive than a man telling her how hot other women are. It makes me want to go sign myself into a Swiss plastic surgery clinic for the next six months.

Today's project: MBP #1. We're about 2/3 done.

Today's life observation: Being thin and beautiful does not equal fashion sense. I'm talking to YOU Cameron Diaz.

The adventures of Mr. Bee

The Thisbe house was full this weekend tonight. We had some friends and family visiting.

So, in an effort to make our house a bit more presentable, Thisbe broke out the vacuum cleaner the afternoon before our guests arrived.

Thisbe loves the vacuum cleaner (as much as one can reasonably love a vacuum cleaner), because it is a central vacuum system, and is relatively lightweight and easy to maneuver, and makes vacuuming about as painless as it can be (noting that Thisbe hates housework). So Thisbe is vacuuming along merrily, and notices that the wee kraken's Exersaucer, is as usual, festooned with the remnants of approximately 1,000 cheerios. So, Thisbe detaches the tube from the vacuum to suck up the cheerios.

In doing so, however, Thisbe inadvertently sucked up one of the wee kraken's toys (Mr. Bee, the wrist rattle). This turned out to be both unfortunate and hilarious.

The immediate effect of Mr. Bee's abduction was that there was a serious loss of suction to the vacuum tube. Initially, we hoped that Mr. Bee had traveled, Willy-Wonka like, down to the filter in the basement, but PBB checked, and there was no Mr. Bee.

PBB next attempted to rescue Mr. Bee with a wire coat hanger, but again, without success. It was at this point that we started laughing, and continued laughing for the next 1/2 hour while the process continued.

Needless to say, no vacuuming could be completed during this mission, and it was a significant concern that Thisbe had ruined the central vacuum system entirely.

We subsequently determined that Mr. Bee had become lodged somewhere in the tube, but could not quite figure out where, until (crack detectives that we are) we realized that we could pinpoint his location by shaking the tube to find the rattling noise. Once we found him, we also realized that if we twisted the tube a bit, and turned the vacuum on and off (carefully) Mr. Bee would get sucked farther and farther down. So we were eventually able to get him to the other end of the tube, before he entered the tubing in the wall, and extricate him from his dusty vacuum prison with the wire hanger.


We have washed him, and are happy to report that he (and the vacuum) are none the worse for the incident, and the antics that we engaged in to get him out caused so much laughter, that Thisbe thinks she will remember this for the next time we all need a good chuckle.

Best in Show

So, on Tuesday, Thisbe accomplished a dream of several years: to go to the Westminster Dog Show.

Thisbe was accompanied on this exciting outing by (as usual) the wee kraken, and also Mrs. Weef, who took a day off of work (wooooooooo!) to enjoy the festivities.

Thisbe and Mrs. Weef enjoyed the show tremendously, particularly all of the dogs that we got to see and pet in the "benching area" (backstage), and getting to walk on the big green astroturf-y ring area. Thisbe and Mrs. Weef are notorious impulse buyers so, it was good that they do not actually have dogs for purchase at the show, as we were having such a wonderful time with all the dogs that we would both have purchased dogs of our very own. But then Thisbe and Mrs. Weef would be divorced from our respective husbands, who made it *very* clear that they were not interested in being dog owners at the present time.

But our enjoyment PALED in comparison to that of the wee kraken.

She screamed with excitement and pointed (a new trick) every time she saw a dog, for a total of approximately 1,000 times, and her mouth was open pretty much the entire time we were there. It was clearly one of the most exciting days EVER. She slept quite soundly on the way home, and that night as well.

I imagine that when we attend Kindermusik on Friday she will still be talking about it with the other babies.

It was a wonderful day, and we look forward to making it an annual event (although next year we are going to try and go on Monday to see all of the Toy Dogs), and next year we can bring Baby Weef too!

Today's Project: MBP #1. Like you didn't know.

Today's Life Observation: I have a song to sing-o!

An Inconvenient Truth about Snow Days

So. Today is an Official Snow Day. All of the schools in the area are closed. There are teeny ice pellets attacking my windows. It is officially unpleasant.

Normally, I very much enjoy snow days. I tried to get the wee kraken into the spirit of the day this morning by encouraging her to snuggle with me in bed and watch the school closings scroll by* after her morning feed, but she was uninterested, as, currently, every day is a snow day for her, so she did not understand what the fuss was about.

Today, however, the Official Snow Day is causing all sorts of problems.

First and foremost it is Valentine's Day (Happy Valentine's Day to you all! May you have a year full of chocolate and love, as indicated by the hallmarks of this day). PBB & I had plans to ditch the wee kraken with her grandparents for a couple of hours and have a Real Romantic Date at one of my favorite restaurants. Unfortunately, the restaurant is about 40 minutes away, and, to get there we must drive on the ice slicks that the stupid Official Snow Day was called for, so I am not terribly interested in going and risking life and limb for macaroni & cheese with truffles.

Second, the reason we chose this particular restaurant is because it is located within 10 minutes of the grandparents and the rehearsal for Thisbe's show (which is currently scheduled for 7:30 pm). The idea was to have dinner, then PBB would pick up the kraken and head home, and Thisbe would head to rehearsal. Current weather predictions indicate that the weather will be equally hideous tonight, so there is a chance that there will be no rehearsal, and then it would be completely pointless to drive all the way over there to have dinner in an ice storm.

The result of these complications is that Thisbe is not motivated to do anything today, because it is completely unclear what the day will actually bring, and it is impossible to make any sort of decision about it (e.g. even if there is rehearsal, should Thisbe go? If there is no rehearsal, should Thisbe still go to dinner?). Also, it is too disgusting to take the wee kraken anywhere. Thisbe is hoping for some direction on all of these fronts in the near future.

Today's Project: MBP #1. As usual.

Today's Life Observation: Black truffle popcorn? A GOOD idea.

*I LOVE watching school closings on snow days. Love it. I think it is just a little hangover from childhood, but I get a warm fuzzy feeling from seeing that schools are closed. I find myself rooting for my local school district to be closed, and for the schools of any friends' areas to be closed.

When H*ll freezes over...

....I will not be all that surprised, because it is FREEZING. And I feel bad for whining about it, since it is not all that cold compared to previous winters, but MAN ALIVE, I am getting desperate for some spring (and all nostalgic of the heat wave from this past summer).

The cold is making me quite jealous of my wee kraken's wardrobe, which consists largely of fuzzy footed items, that seem quite cozy and comfortable. Indeed, I am starting to consider purchasing a few footed sleepers for myself.

The cold also makes going out anywhere a mad dash from car to destination, since I do not want the wee kraken to be chilled. However, she does not seem to be the least bit cold, and rather, relishes the extremely short trips from car to store, and laughs every time. Maybe she thinks it is funny to make me run? Maybe she is laughing in the face of the weather? Maybe she has superhuman warmth and just doesn't give a da*n?

Whatever the case may be, it makes me laugh, so the cold is not so bad.

Today's Project: MBP#1.

Today's Life Observation: Just going to the gym will not actually get you in shape. You need to work out there. I'm talking to you, people who sit at the little tables near the front desk and drink coffee.

Not Top Chef

So, Thisbe loves food. And Thisbe is fascinated by the process of converting raw materials (i.e. flour and shredded cheese and bacon) into something delicious (i.e. Bacon Monkey Bread). But Thisbe does not particularly enjoy cooking. In fact, Thisbe rarely cooks, on the grounds that her creative home-making skill is knitting, and cooking generally cannot be done from the couch.

Thus, it is a puzzle that Thisbe is COMPLETELY OBSESSED with cooking tools. Every freaking time the William Sonoma catalog arrives, Thisbe wants the egg coddlers. Perhaps our eggs are sad and lonely, as they are without the coddling that all good eggs should have. Is it guilt? Is it some sort of latent Betty Crocker gene? It makes no sense.

Recently this phenomenon has leaked into the Cuisinart line, because they have been advertising a standing mixer which appears to be magical. It makes ice cream! It makes pasta! It grinds meat! It composes sonnets! (OK, I'm not sure about the last one, but it is still magical). And it comes in an array of attractive colors.

Thisbe keeps having grandiose fantasies of purchasing the mixer, and then dancing around the kitchen, ala Donna Reed, whipping up delicious meals for PBB & the wee kraken, and greeting PBB upon his arrival home with a gourmet dinner.

The key is: THIS IS COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC. Thisbe (while fully capable) has no interest in actually cooking the meal. So unless the mixer is actually magical, and will cook the dinner itself, it would just be a giant waste of money.

Fortunately, the cost of the mixer is bordering on prohibitive, so Thisbe has not yet caved, but late at night she can hear the siren song......[quiet tiny voice] "Thiiiiiiiissssssbbbeeeee......you could make your own iiiiiiiiccccceeee creeeeeeammmmmm" Shut UP mixer.

Today's Project: Mystery Baby Project #1 (hereinafter MBP #1).

Today's life observation: Drool is cute only if you are a wee kraken. Or a puppy.

Nothing and Everything

This week has actually been kind of crazy, but not a lot actually happened.

Highlights:

1) I have been given an opportunity to join a community orchestra that will be going to Italy in July. While this sounds fantastic, I cannot leave the kraken, (or PBB, although, he can actually take care of himself, as opposed to the kraken) and frankly her cello skills are not yet at the level necessary to play in the orchestra too. So, if I went, I'd have to take her with me. And I'd need PBB or some other adult to accompany us so that the kraken wouldn't crawl/walk away during a concert. Dilemma.

2) I went to the gym 3 times! That is an increase of 300% over my gym efforts for the last year. No, really.

3) The wee kraken learned how to clap, which is hilarious and adorable, and makes me want to go and wake her up to see her do it.

Today's Project: Mystery Baby Project #1 -- cool, but interminable.

Today's Life Observation: (Taken from a flip chart leaning against the wall in our rehearsal space) Charlotte + Wilbur = Friends. I could not say it better myself.